There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you.

You are one of the most intelligent person that I know.
Your witty mind never ceases to amaze me.
Your genuine smile never fails to warm my heart.
You are an amazing individual.
You are a wonderful friend. 

I love you. I’ve always loved you. I love you more and more every day, if that’s even possible. It’s not something I can explain or describe. I don’t understand it myself. I’m just glad that you’re in my life, and that you find it worthwhile to have me in yours.

This has been going on for three years. Every night, I go to bed disappointed. Disappointed about the decisions that I had made. Disappointed about the things I have done. Disappointed about the things I have said. But mostly, disappointed in the person that I am. 

I know what my goals are. I know what I want to achieve. I know what I want. I know the person that I want to be. Yet three years later, I am still back to square one. I was always tortured everyday. How come I haven’t made any improvements? How come I haven’t taken a step forward to becoming the person that I want to be? Then I’ve come to realized that the one thing/person stopping me from achieving all of that, is nothing/nobody else but me. 

I got a slap in the face a few months ago, when a friend commented on how much she enjoyed reading my blog for The Shorthorn. I laughed it off and said that I couldn’t write. Then all of a sudden her expression changed and she scorned me, “Learn how to take a compliment, Hien.” I don’t have the heart to accept compliments. No, I’m not trying to stroke my ego. No, I’m not being humble. I don’t accept compliments because people, even those closest to me, don’t know what a terrible person I truly am. 

I’ve been extremely discontent and disappointed with the person that I am/have become lately. I’ve been selfish lately, burdening those closest to me with my problems and flaws. I am the person who have created the monster that I am today. And only I can change that. 

Not everything in our lives work out exactly the way that we want them to. Life is not a smooth straight path. But that is the beauty of it. Deep down, I know things are okay. That they will be okay. I don’t know why, I really wish I knew, but you are important to me. No matter what, I want you in my life and hope you find it worthwhile to have me in yours.

I am looking forward to spring break. To relax and reflect. I will become a better person. I have to.

please give me the courage to let go.

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I’ve just got to let you know

‘Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven’t got a clue
But let me start by saying, 
Lionel Richie, I couldn’t have said it better. 

I have been looking forward to today for quite a while.
I have lost myself these last couple of weeks. I do not know who I am.

But I am determined to figure it out during Lent.
I have learned that I can never do anything right. So in that case, I will work at being a better person.

• Give up meat.
• Give up ice cream.
• Read the bible more often.
• Work at my relationship with God.
• Keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself.
• Work at being a better daughter, friend, and individual.

I was so so excited to go to church today. Something about going to church gives me a sense of peace and comfort. It’s ironic how I wrote down that I felt safest at church at the exercise today. Maybe it is a sign.

I have the best mentor and friends. <3

That I am the person who tortures myself.
That I completely fail at being a human being.
That I can never do anything right.
And that sometimes, the world would be a better place without me.

Parents do know best.  

Okay, okay, I admit that I like you. 
Possibly. Perhaps. Maybe.

I am just glad to have you in my life. 

• I got to hang out with my “best girlfriend”.
• I have my Serena back.
• I ate ice cream.